In part 5 of the Building Self-love For Perfectionists Series, I shared that the 5th obstacle to self-love is the fear of rejection.
I was listening to a recent interview with Marci Shimhoff, the author of Happy For No Reason. She exclaimed: "When you lack self-love and worthiness, performing for love is the only way to get love." Let me repeat this, performing for love is the only way to get love.
In this article, I will share the 6th obstacle to loving yourself more if you are a perfectionist. But first, let me explain self-compassion:
- Self-compassion is sympathy directed towards you to end your suffering.
As a perfectionist, you are your worst harsh critic. You find it difficult to appreciate who you are and what you do with love. You beat yourself up if you make the slightest mistake and put yourself down if you do not succeed at your first attempt.
Yet the most successful people in their field affirm that failing is part of the process and is just the feedback that you need to bring about changes.
A lack of self-compassion affects your relationship with others. You are so afraid of being inadequate and eager to act inauthentically to please others that you perform for love to get love. However, there is a problem as you seek appreciation from others, you end up taking love more than you give love.
In addition, when you focus only on doing well, performing well, you become, in some instances, more self-absorbed than giving.
Let me share an example: You are trying to write a book, and the fear of being judged, criticized, etc., stops you from serving the people you are to help with compassion. As a result, you remain stuck in your comfort zone and do not fulfil your calling.
When you show signs of co-dependency and crave appreciation, you are not comfortable yet in your skin. Moreover, you do not appreciate yourself enough. You give others your power whenever your happiness is dependent on their appreciation and love.
To overcome the 6th obstacle to self-love for perfectionists, you need to start growing in self-compassion and build inner happiness.
I favour inner happiness because it is unshakable, from my experience, and is not dependent upon any external factor.
I believe that this is where most people who want to increase their well-being get it wrong. Your true well-being and happiness do not depend upon any external factor but on how you feel deep inside and who you believe you are in truth.
Once you take control of your happiness from the inside out, you build self-love unselfishly and unconditionally. For this purpose, start to open your heart instead of contracting it. You were born to shine.
Here are a few ways you can grow in self-compassion:
- Start to appreciate your character and keep improving yourself. Success is about building a person of character who feels confident. You build self-confidence when you continue to grow in awareness about yourself.
2. Appreciate others more to see in them what lies in you. If you tend to judge, blame and complain as a harsh critique, start building more compassion and appreciation towards others.
3. Whenever someone pays you a compliment, open your heart. Take it all in instead of contracting and belittling the event.
4. Change your mind by being consciously aware of your self-talk. You can start to create the new habit of cancelling any negative remarks, put-downs and limiting beliefs that get in the way of loving yourself more. Remember that it takes 66 days to create new neuropathways. Therefore, what will be tested is whether you are consistent and persistent enough. Get back on track as quickly as possible if you get off track.
I trust that you know what to do. However, you might not be consistent enough. Perhaps you started a new success habit, adopted it for a while, and then stopped.
5. And lastly, take your inner child to play and ask yourself: “What is the most loving thing I could do for myself today?” Do something outstanding for yourself to self-nurture. Show that you care about yourself. For example, if you feel unhealthy and complain about it, do something about it and start treating your body as a temple.
You can do this!
I will end this article with a quote from Dave Pelzer:
“To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on.”
Authenticity is underrated, yet without it, you are misaligned.
Key step to accelerate your success:
- Begin today to eliminate, step by step, the put-downs, limiting self-belief and self-doubt and start to let your light shine brightly.
Relevant resources:
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 5
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 4
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 3
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 2
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 1
The Gratitude Experiment - 7 Weeks Of Gratitude (Week 1)
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 1
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 2
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 3
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 4
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 5
Learn My Three Tips On How To Raise Your Self-Esteem
Prescriptions For Self-Confidence
Free tool to accelerate your success:
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