Welcome to part 5 of the Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series.
We have covered four obstacles to self-love for perfectionists to date, and here is a reminder:
The 1st obstacle to loving yourself is a negative self-image.
The 2nd obstacle to loving yourself is the reluctance to understand yourself at a deeper level to grow in awareness of who you are.
The 3rd obstacle to loving yourself is the wrong view and belief that self-love is egotistical or selfish.
The 4th obstacle to loving yourself is low self-esteem or self-worth.
The 5th obstacle to loving yourself, you are about to discover, is the fear of rejection.
Sometimes perfectionism can come from self-doubt. You are afraid of making mistakes because you doubt yourself and lack confidence.
Wendy’s story was that she became a perfectionist because she failed her GCSE, which decreased her confidence, increased her self-doubt and shattered her self-esteem.
With this sense of failure, believing that she failed miserably and was not good enough, Wendy promised herself to do things perfectly at the cost of losing her true power.
In the case of Wendy, the fear of rejection translates as developing the belief that you are a misfit or not intelligent enough if you fail your exams.
Perfectionism can come from, also a desire to please others like your parents. Perhaps they expect a lot from you. They have high expectations, and if you do not meet their expectations, you feel that you failed them. If you are a people pleaser, this will resonate with you. And this could be your story.
As a result, you adopt a false image of yourself and pretend to be someone else to please them. However, deep in your heart, you are unhappy.
There is another consequence to trying very hard to meet other people, like your parents, expectations so that they love you, accept and respect you. In your eyes, you believe that if you do not act in a way they are pleased with, they will love you less.
Perfectionists are not very good at receiving criticism. That is the case because, in their mind, they try very hard. However, they fail to see that perfectionism stops them from getting their desired results since they struggle with good enough.
It is time to change this perception. Instead of this labyrinth of suffering, it is necessary to adapt to a different way of thinking and behaving. Start to increase your ability to respond in a way that you can progress and come out of this self-torturing pattern.
As you know, this series is about empowering individuals who tend to be perfectionists so that they shine their true light confidently and get inner peace.
Since everything is energy, the opposite of the fear of rejection is self-acceptance.
Therefore in terms of building self-love, you need to accept yourself more:
- I had a breakthrough when I did an exercise years ago with Christopher Howard. Following this exercise, the insight I got was to accept myself just the way I am. This insight helped me grow in self-love and acceptance.
- Mindfulness, whereby you accept what is, is a great way to embrace yourself more.
- Growing self-awareness to make better choices and get better results is another way to accept yourself more.
- Get to know yourself more to increase your self-acceptance and do you. Self-love is self-understanding.
- Grow in compassion for yourself. Compassion means sympathy, kindness, and tender-heartedness, and you deserve it.
I want to end this article with a quote from Bill Gove:
“If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me. Not the me you think I should be, not the me I think my wife thinks I should be, not the me I think my kids think I should be. If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me so I better know who me is.”
I love this quote!
Key steps to accelerate your success:
Here are some steps to build self-love:
- Mindfulness, whereby you accept what is, is a great way to embrace yourself more.
- Growing self-awareness to make better choices and get better results is another way to accept yourself more.
- Get to know yourself more to increase your self-acceptance and do you. Self-love is self-understanding.
- Grow in compassion for yourself. Compassion means sympathy, kindness, and tender-heartedness, and you deserve it.
Relevant resources:
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 4
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 3
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 2
Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 1
The Gratitude Experiment - 7 Weeks Of Gratitude (Week 1)
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 1
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 2
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 3
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 4
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 5
Learn My Three Tips On How To Raise Your Self-Esteem
Prescriptions For Self-Confidence
Free tool to accelerate your success:
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Relevant Quote:
