Welcome to part 4 of the Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series.
Did you enjoy our interview with Wendy Firmin Price for part 3 of the series?
Her message is very emotional and in short, the message is as follows:
"If you are a perfectionist, free yourself from the perfection trap so that you can start loving yourself more."
The fourth obstacle to loving yourself is low self-esteem or self-worth.
My preferred definition of self-esteem is the following. It comes from Nathaniel Branden, the father of the concept of self-esteem.
“Self-esteem fully realized, is the experience that we are appropriate to life and the requirements of life.
More specifically, self-esteem is:
- Confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life, and
- Confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values, and enjoy the fruits of our efforts.”
Low self-esteem, therefore, means that you doubt your personal worth, your appropriateness to life, and whether you can meet life’s requirements. More specifically you question your position in the world.
When you trust and listen to your critical voice, you have a rather soul-destroying belief about yourself such as:
- You have no right to exist
- You are of no value
- No one appreciates you
- You have no right to value your needs wants
- You are not loveable.
- You do not trust yourself
- You do not trust others
Many events in one’s life may lead to these critical and soul-destroying beliefs.
And where there is low self-esteem, it is challenging for self-love to exist.
It takes time to undo this mental baggage of thoughts, beliefs, emotions, actions and put-downs that stop you from letting your inner diamond shine. Scientific research shows that it takes 66 days to change one’s neuropathways. Plus, you need a change in perspective, new and small daily habits and doses of love to increase your self-love:
- What about making the conscious decision to be increasingly aware of your inner dialogue by creating a connection where you praise yourself more instead of putting yourself down.
- Or what about starting to honour your brilliance the more you get to know yourself.
To grow in self-love, you have a conscious decision to make. It is to become a better observer of your behavioural patterns, and through this process, you can start to honour your true self.
Have you ever taken the time to ask yourself this question: “Who am I?”
Marianne Williamson says it best in her book “A Return to Love”:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.”
Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Key steps to accelerate your success:
Take some time to ask yourself this question: “Who am I?”
Free tool to accelerate your success:
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