"Self-love is the fastest path to self-healing, and it is not always easy if you are a perfectionist."
Welcome to Part 1 of a brand new series "Building Self-Love For Perfectionists."
I created this series on self-love for perfectionists. I know how you feel, how you always strive to do your best and expect everything to be perfect.
I remember my Reiki teacher saying, during my Reiki training, that a perfectionist always looks for imperfections. To constantly seek faults in everything is a disadvantage and a habit that you can improve.
I believe that a perfectionist seeks imperfections outside of themselves because they are uncomfortable with their imperfections.
Perfectionists are hard on themselves, so they struggle with self-love because they are never satisfied or happy with their performance and who they are. Nothing they do or how they view themselves is ever good enough because they do not believe they are enough.
As you know, nothing is perfect. If you seek imperfections in everything and yourself, you have probably lost yourself. I intend to help you rekindle your truth throughout this 7-part series on self-love.
I revealed in my blog article, "Love Is Your Salvation," for the 2022 St Valentine's Day Special, that there are various dimensions to love.
I will cover in this new series an essential and fast path to healing which is self-love. During our time together, pay close attention. I will share over 7 blog articles some of the obstacles to self-love. Those obstacles stop you from moving forward and getting inner peace and happiness.
You will get actionable tools to overcome the barriers to self-love.
Now let us have some fun!
Self-love is an essential healing process to help you get unstuck confidently and boost your self-esteem. You have probably lost yourself on the journey of life. This self-love series will help you bounce back as you do the inner work.
From my experience as an energy healer, I know that the faster way to inner peace and freedom is love. In other words, the more you lean on the energy of love, the more you fuel your love, the more you feel free and at peace.
One of the prerequisites for life fulfilment is self-love.
I remember a famous actor sharing his life story. He had fame and money, but something was missing. What was lacking was inner happiness. The lack of inner happiness affected his relationships and a real sense of fulfilment.
The concept of self-love is not something new. It was already written and talked about in Ancient Greek, and in Taoism in China in the 4th and 3rd centuries BCE.
In modern terms, self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your well-being and happiness.
Socrates maintained that our true self is our soul. I agree that you can deepen your love when you become aware that your true self is your soul. Therefore, self-love is not futile, for it serves a higher purpose.
Since the highest form of love is to give, the more you love what you see in yourself, the more you give and help others. In addition, I believe that it will come naturally to you when you decide to give more love.
For me, self-love is acknowledging my greatness and loving my uniqueness so that I can be of use, serve my higher power, give more and shine my light.
The first obstacle to self-love I want to share in this article is a negative self-image or a lack of compassion towards oneself.
A negative self-image or a lack of compassion rings true specifically for perfectionists. This tendency could come from a parent having high expectations or their character trait expects a lot from themselves. I know How it feels, I used to struggle with perfection. I used to because now I can notice the signs when I follow that road and can pull back quickly.
- Why does perfection accentuate a lack of self-love?
Do you tend to fall into the perfectionist trap, whereby nothing is ever good enough?
I know that you strive for excellence.
Do you, for example, have this inner dialogue? You do something it is good enough. Then you look back and think: "I should have done this and that better."
I agree that there is always room for improvement, however, what matters the most is the awareness you gain. You need to allow some space for failure otherwise there is no growth and progress.
The trap is analysis paralysis because one of the perfectionist's biggest fear is failure. When you procrastinate and have a task at hand done is better than perfect. And good is good enough.
Perfectionism becomes an addiction to become better if it is disguised as the fear of getting anything started.
Are you stuck in this spiral of looking for imperfections all the time and declaring that nothing is ever good enough? If so, I believe this applies to the way you view yourself too.
If perfection is essential to you, you expect yourself to be perfect or do things perfectly all the time, and this attitude can be paralysing.
You forever loathe yourself and the things you do wrong and never appreciate enough the things you do right.
Modern society seems to focus more on what is wrong than what is right.
The media also emphasize picture-perfect, which is detrimental if you have low self-esteem. This results in an inferiority complex like: “If I don’t look like that it means I am inferior or not good enough.”
Self-love is an inside-out, not an outside-in job. In other words, it is something you need to develop from within.
The tool to combat the build-up of a negative self-image is to start growing in compassion towards yourself.
Perfectionists tend to beat themselves up because they believe they are not good enough and nothing is ever good enough.
A growth mindset that seeks self-development and improvement is different from a never satisfied mindset. Yes, we can improve, and compassion toward oneself means feeling satisfied.
It’s ok if it is good enough and you are enough!
Building a strong and positive self-image or identity, which is a transformation from within, is the fastest way to transform your life so that you can live a more fulfilling life.
To increase your self-love you need more self-compassion.
- Begin with starting to catch what is right instead of what is wrong all the time.
- Appreciate yourself and others more.
- Count your blessings with an attitude of gratitude.
If gratitude is not part of your daily practice, start today to practise gratitude. Should you need more help developing an attitude of gratitude, you have access to The Gratitude Experiment - 7 weeks of gratitude series. Click here to get started with Week 1.
You might have high standards for yourself, but you need to start somewhere and eliminate your perfectionist trait if it becomes debilitating.
Let me take the example of a mother who has to multi-task and feels guilty because she does not get everything done. She feels that she fails her family because she is a perfectionist. This attitude creates suffering.
A better solution is to adopt the principle that good is good enough. This solution means recognising the signs when you are a perfectionist and adjusting your thinking to the idea that 'good is good enough.' You will be surprised by your results when you start correcting your thinking.
Here are the tools you need to improve your self-image or create a strong identity:
- Focus on what is right and great about you. Stop looking for imperfections.
- Begin to appreciate yourself more by asking yourself this transformative question and keep the good enough concept in mind:
What do I love about myself?
We all have qualities, and if you struggle with this, you can ask a family member, friend or colleague for help.
- Instead of putting yourself down, start to experience and acknowledge your victories and successes. This will boost your confidence and give you a sense of satisfaction and well-being.
- Practise the habit of praising yourself more and rewarding yourself each time you experience a victory. You are great! And like Les Brown says: “There is greatness within you.”
- Whenever someone praises you, practise the habit of receiving their praise with joy and an open heart.
The more you practise self-compassion to build a strong self-image and identity, the more it will become second nature.
My action-based process for self-healing is my Liberated Heart Formula. I invite you, to get started and download my free report “YES! TO Love Success Habits – 7 Steps To Inner Peace, Joy and Happiness" where I break down the seven steps you need for peace in mind and peace of mind.
Wherever you are, keep growing on your journey of self-exploration and discovery.
Do not let perfectionism get in the way of your inner happiness. You deserve love!
Key steps to accelerate your success:
Improve your self-image and self-identity by practising the following:
- Focus on what is right and great about you. Stop looking for imperfections.
- Begin to appreciate yourself more by asking yourself this transformative question and keep the good enough concept in mind:
What do I love about myself?
We all have qualities, and if you struggle with this, you can ask a family member, friend or colleague for help.
- Instead of putting yourself down, start to experience and acknowledge your victories and successes. This will boost your confidence and give you a sense of satisfaction and well-being.
- Practise the habit of praising yourself more and rewarding yourself each time you experience a victory. You are great! And like Les Brown says: “There is greatness within you.”
- Whenever someone praises you, practise the habit of receiving their praise with joy and an open heart.
Relevant resources:
The Gratitude Experiment - 7 Weeks Of Gratitude (Week 1)
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 1
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 2
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 3
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 4
Secrets To Increasing Your Self-Worth - Part 5
Learn My Three Tips On How To Raise Your Self-Esteem
Prescriptions For Self-Confidence
Free tool to accelerate your success:
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